babywearing crisis

[nrittadevi]

Hi all, do any of you ever get a babywearing crisis?! Maybe it?s me maybe it?s my baby, or maybe my wrap, but it just is so unpredictable at times whether I?ll get it right, whether she?ll like to be in there for long etc. Then, too, I get very guilty because I feel I haven?t been wearing her enough at certain times in the past and should wear her more now and so on. I?m still working on trusting myself to do what feels right. I?ve been letting myself be intimidated by other people?s opinions so much, and especially at a crucial time for her we were on this huge family visiting tour where I was so embarrassed to sling her because everybody seemed to find it so odd although she would have needed it.
And now she?s so heavy, too. Maybe I?m not very good at finding out what she needs/wants. Yesterday was really bad, felt like a babywearing failure and failure as a mother too.
I guess I need to try a few other wraps to find out whether I can solve that slack problem, which tends to make her dangle lopsided or sit very low which then is both uncomy for her and me.
Sometimes I?m just a bit desparate, sorry.

[mumof3tobe]

Hiya

I have the same thing - when I've got it right it's so comfy but sometimes it's not right and I'm not sure why. I don't like tying it in front of non babywearers but lately my confidence has grown and when my sling hasn't felt tight enough or something I jsut stop wherever I am and readjust or start again.

Sometimes it's lonely being the only babywearer (outside slingmeet of course!). Sometimes I feel like that about breastfeeding too. Maybe putting others out of your mind and just focus on you and LO as that's all that matters. Follow your baby's needs and you can't go far wrong. Don't worry about wearing her enough - everyone's different and every baby is different. There are times my LO gets pushed because I need her to have her sleep 'parked up'. Sometimes she sits in her highchair or plays on the floor while I cook or do chores not because that's where she's happiest for that moment but because sometimes I'm a tired mama and trying to do more things at once than is sensible - it falls short of my ideal but then in my ideal world I'd have a whole village helping me raise my kids and I have to just do what I can with the resources I have - is that the kind of situation you feel too? Just sharing mine in case it helps at all!

You're not a failure, you've obviously a very committed and conscientious mother and your baby is a lucky baby.

xxx
fiona



Hi all, do any of you ever get a babywearing crisis?! Maybe it?s me maybe it?s my baby, or maybe my wrap, but it just is so unpredictable at times whether I?ll get it right, whether she?ll like to be in there for long etc. Then, too, I get very guilty because I feel I haven?t been wearing her enough at certain times in the past and should wear her more now and so on. I?m still working on trusting myself to do what feels right. I?ve been letting myself be intimidated by other people?s opinions so much, and especially at a crucial time for her we were on this huge family visiting tour where I was so embarrassed to sling her because everybody seemed to find it so odd although she would have needed it.
And now she?s so heavy, too. Maybe I?m not very good at finding out what she needs/wants. Yesterday was really bad, felt like a babywearing failure and failure as a mother too.
I guess I need to try a few other wraps to find out whether I can solve that slack problem, which tends to make her dangle lopsided or sit very low which then is both uncomy for her and me.
Sometimes I?m just a bit desparate, sorry.

[lilyslings]

Hallo Katrin,

You sound as if you are indeed going through a crisis, a mumming crisis, but then who does not from time time? As Fiona said, it is tough raising a child on your own, no supporting village (and in your case and mine, not even an extended family). Usha is probably the first baby you care for, so you are probably questioning your parenting day in day out. And this, in my opinion, is a healthy attitude!
Please be gentle to yourself.

As for the wrapping, maybe trying different wraps is a good idea. Different things work for different people and purposes. Working on specific issues with an experienced wrapper is also a good idea. Please, don't hesitate to ask for help. Babywearing is an acquired skill, and learning never stops (for me anyway). However, if you get the basics right, then everything else follows with practice and time. Hope I don't sound too preaching :rolleyes:

Hugs,
Souad

[nrittadevi]

Thank you Fiona and Souad for your helpful replies and your encouragement! Yes, the village/extended families? I can?t wait till we go to India where I will have all that, even if it?s only a month! No doubt there will be lots of unwelcome advice there too :-) but at least lots of loving people to take care of dd and myself! It probably also does not help me in times of crisis that I know so few people around here, and most of the people I know are very busy and/or do not have children. You don?t know how glad I am that you, Souad, put me in touch with slingmeet!
Fiona, the trying to do too many things at once and falling short of one?s ideals sounds so like me? I?ve told myself umpteen times that this is no reason to feel a complete failure, but I?m just not very good at focussing on the have-side rather than the have-not (done) side.
In the usual up and down we had a much better day already yesterday, and I?m looking forward to seeing you next week!
katrin

[LydiaLunch]

Hi there, glad you had a better day today. Nothing to add to the wonderful advice and kind words that you've had ;) :) . It is overwhelming though sometimes isn't it? Perhaps hire a quicker carrier out (Mei Tai?) to have a play with.

See you soon, Liz x

[indiaeden]

Hi Katrin, I haven't really much to add to what has already been said. I think most parents question themselves and have times of doubt,and it would be very unusual if you didn't.
One thing I always try to keep in mind when I am out of my safe zone with the children is that at least 50% of the people observing us will not agree with whatever I am doing,so I may as well just get on with it anyway,and do what is right for us.:)

Love Jeanette

[nrittadevi]

Thank you too, Jeanette and Liz for all your support and kind words. I am trying to bear all the good advice in mind.
But I?m afraid the crisis is not over and it might not have that much to do with slinging. I?ve actually worn her comfortably for both of us for more again. But today I pretty much spend the day crying. I either felt I can?t love my child or I love her with maniac intensity, both of which made me burst into tears. DH is very supportive, but as I?ve said before, I don?t have so many people close to my heart close by, and this just makes me realise how lonely I am. Most days he is the only adult person I talk to (I?ve got a stupid terror of phoning people which gets worse when I?m not doing good). Sorry to be dumping this on the forum, but slingmeet is a bit of a lifeline for me at the moment? And I do at least feel that some of you might know what this feels like.
katrin

[LydiaLunch]

:hug: PMed you.

[mumof3tobe]

Katrin

I felt very lonely with my 1st baby. Nothing prepared me for the massive change in my life from a very busy working life to being an SAHM. Being pretty much alone with a baby lots of the time is intense IMO, and being around people or just having people to talk to definitely makes things easier. Once I started to make fellow mummy friends things got a lot better. I am certain almost all of us have felt the things you're feeling at some time or another, you are not alone.

xxxx
fiona


Thank you too, Jeanette and Liz for all your support and kind words. I am trying to bear all the good advice in mind.
But I?m afraid the crisis is not over and it might not have that much to do with slinging. I?ve actually worn her comfortably for both of us for more again. But today I pretty much spend the day crying. I either felt I can?t love my child or I love her with maniac intensity, both of which made me burst into tears. DH is very supportive, but as I?ve said before, I don?t have so many people close to my heart close by, and this just makes me realise how lonely I am. Most days he is the only adult person I talk to (I?ve got a stupid terror of phoning people which gets worse when I?m not doing good). Sorry to be dumping this on the forum, but slingmeet is a bit of a lifeline for me at the moment? And I do at least feel that some of you might know what this feels like.
katrin

[indiaeden]

:hug: Oh honey,all new Mums feel like you are feeling sometimes. I'm certain every one of us reading know just too well that feeling of intensity being a parent brings.
I hope you are coming along on Wednesday,and maybe now the sun is shining a bit more reliably,we should organise a few more outdoors get togethers?
Hang on in there.:hug:
FWIW when I'm feeling at a particularly low ebb,I take Zinc and up my intake of omega oils. (seeds etc). Apparently a lack of both of these is very common in post partum and breastfeeding women and can really knock you sideways.

Love Jeanette

[nrittadevi]

Thank you all. If I had known there was so much friendly advice and support waiting there for me, getting out of bed this morning would have been much easier (my comfy zone was getting extremely small?).
I am still living very close to the water as we say in German for crying easily, but knowing I am not alone helps :) .
I might try zinc and omega oils. Breastfeeding seems to be draining me anyways - especially since lo is slow to take to solids, and such a hungry baby. On the other hand, the closeness to her helps me.
Will see you all Wednesday,
katrin

[mumof3tobe]

How old is she, Katrin?

Do you know about LLL meetings? The local group meets on the 2nd Thurs of the month - June's meeting is in Cheadle Hulme. PM me if you'd like details of it.

xx
fiona


Thank you all. If I had known there was so much friendly advice and support waiting there for me, getting out of bed this morning would have been much easier (my comfy zone was getting extremely small?).
I am still living very close to the water as we say in German for crying easily, but knowing I am not alone helps :) .
I might try zinc and omega oils. Breastfeeding seems to be draining me anyways - especially since lo is slow to take to solids, and such a hungry baby. On the other hand, the closeness to her helps me.
Will see you all Wednesday,
katrin

[samandlula]

Hi Katrin, I just want to say I think you are really brave for opening up like this. I often feel the way you have described but am too chicken/embarrassed to open up and let anybody know! Everyone else always seems so 'together', don't they? But I can assure you they are not, everyone has their up/down/cryful days/weeks! Being a mum is the hardest and most intense job ever. You are doing brilliantly,and your LO is so lucky to have a Mummy who cares as much as you do. Sometimes you've just gotta think "I'm new to this job, I'm doing my best, I'm learning as I go along, and I can't do better than that!" remember, we're all in the same boat. Just try not to put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Tons of love and understanding!Sam xxx:)

[LydiaLunch]

Hi Katrin, I just want to say I think you are really brave for opening up like this. I often feel the way you have described but am too chicken/embarrassed to open up and let anybody know! Everyone else always seems so 'together', don't they? But I can assure you they are not, everyone has their up/down/cryful days/weeks!

I completely agree :)

[ellasmummy]

Hi Katrin, I just want to say I think you are really brave for opening up like this. I often feel the way you have described but am too chicken/embarrassed to open up and let anybody know! Everyone else always seems so 'together', don't they? But I can assure you they are not, everyone has their up/down/cryful days/weeks! Being a mum is the hardest and most intense job ever. You are doing brilliantly,and your LO is so lucky to have a Mummy who cares as much as you do. Sometimes you've just gotta think "I'm new to this job, I'm doing my best, I'm learning as I go along, and I can't do better than that!" remember, we're all in the same boat. Just try not to put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Tons of love and understanding!Sam xxx:)

I agree too. I'm like you in that I have no family over here, and sometimes I feel so alone that it's hard to get out of bed in the mornings. While my DP is very understanding, he has his family to support him when he needs it. Huge hugs to you.
Lizzy xx

[nrittadevi]

thank you all again, especially Liz and Sam!
Isn't it funny how one tends to think nobody is in the same situation and everybody else is so strong etc. It is good to discover that this is not so.
And one thing I liked about slingmeet from the start is that there are quite a few like me with friends all over the place and families far away. I am not sure though whether my mum could cope with me feeling low. But that is another story.
I`ve got things all week to get me out of bed, and I?m going to practice driving into Manchester which should help too!
:hug: katrin